February 20, 2012

Painting At Night

Shadows crept across the wall. Lights from the opposite building through the thin curtains and the night lamp added to the effects…so quiet, she could hear her palpitating  heart.  Taking a deep breath, she picked up the thin brush, mixed the three  colours and carefully painted the petals.
‘Bitchy Prostitute’* the voice echoed, stronger than it had all week. She barely managed to pull away the shaking brush. The leaf was now shaded orange.
‘Damn!  Get a grip.’ 'It kinda looked nice’,  she noted…autumn leaves on the blouse would stand out indeed. She glanced at the clock on the wall, 12.45 a.m…half an hour more before  sweet talking  the mistress of dreams.
Lost in the swirling colours , she barely heard him till he stepped close. Laughed at her efforts,”Well, Picasso, get back to bed.”
“ A few minutes” the pleading voice.
“You know who’s up at this time?”
“Not that word, I will definitely leave this time.”
“Really? Poor Mrs Virgin, pity your face didn’t find any takers in college. We both know, your parents will send you right back.” walking away.
Ignoring the rolling tears, blurred eyes sought the brush… clutching it tightly, in its strength everything faded.

* the closest translation of the cuss word in English

WC 200 with the word 'orange' , the end words 'everything faded' and in my usual genre of  Realistic+ Contemporary Women fiction.

( Scene from my WIP on domestic violence  Scarred ....modified)



     At Rach Writes,  First Campaigner Challenge, woot!!! The Challenge is:

Write a flash fiction story in 200 words or less, excluding the title. It can be in any format, including a poem. Begin the story with the words, “Shadows crept across the wall”. These five words will be included in the word count. 
If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional), do one or more of these:
  • end the story with the words: "everything faded." (also included in the word count)
  • include the word "orange" in the story
  • write in the same genre you normally write
  • make your story 200 words exactly!

Check other entries there. 

40 comments:

Jess said...

"so quiet, she could hear her palpitating heart". I loved that line. Great job!

I'm entry #19

David P. King said...

Excellent setup with a little dialogue shock value. A most interesting character. Nice one! :)

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

That first one is so sad!

Unknown said...

Rheka you have an excruciating habit of creating the most terrible tension and not letting go lol. I can't wait to read one of your books.

S.P. Bowers said...

Interesting. Nice set up, peacful and contemplative, but then the twist.

Carrie Butler said...

Very nice! :)

M Pax said...

Wow, Rek, that scene has a lot of tension. You weaved the word prompts in expertly.

I want to know what happens next. :)

Skippy Bo Bippy said...

Very stirring. Really enjoyed reading it.

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

Nice work.
New follower

Margo Kelly said...

Hmm. That was thought provoking! I'm a new follower from the campaign. Nice to meet you. :)

Unknown said...

I really liked this! Though, it was sad and I really liked how her only escape was to paint!

Ann Cory said...

What an original entry! I liked it, and you have a lovely blog - so enchanting. Great job!

J.C. Martin said...

Ugh. He sounds thoroughly unpleasant! Hope he gets his comeuppance!

Tara Tyler said...

tough scene, strength in resolve!
good job!

Anonymous said...

I love all the different takes on this challenge. Nicely done. Mine is # 71

Avery Marsh said...

Aw, I feel so bad for her. I love the line about her clutching the paint brush.

Charmaine Clancy said...

Very different take on the challenge. Quite classic writing. Well done.
#83

Unknown said...

Very visual and disturbing take on this challenge. Well written and very thought provoking. Nice job.

Laurie Buchanan said...

I hate your antagonist. In other words, you did a GREAT job!

Laurie Buchanan (entry #92)

alexia said...

I wish I could paint... nice job!

Miranda Hardy said...

What a fascinating story. Very nicely done.

Deniz Bevan said...

Oh the poor thing! I just feel like swooping in and rescuing her.

sue said...

this struck me as violent even though it's implied
I'm #103

digillette said...

Awww, poor woman! I hope she gets away!

Traci Kenworth said...

Is this a character/story you're writing? She sounds well-drawn. I like.

Kerri Cuev said...

Wow, very nice! Well done. I'm enjoying each and every entry!

Morgan said...

Nice work here... way to incorporate all the extra challenges! :D New follower... wanted to thank you for your kind comment also! :D

Nick Wilford said...

Beautiful and intriguing. Want to know more about these two.

Carrie said...

So sad but beautiful. I love your writing!

Cortney Pearson said...

Nice use of dialogue here. I could really picture this scene. And can I just say, your blog is beautiful! I love the images! Very classic!! :D

Tess Julia said...

Loved it! Left a lot of questions, but that's good! You would hook me in as a reader:)

MISH said...

Beautiful!
I love the dynamics... loaded language... and get the impression of an ongoing, love-hate type relationship, between these two...
(I'm entry no.#166)

Unknown said...

You have a very interesting style! Very vivid.

(I'm #59)

Komal Kant said...

Such a vivid and powerful scene. I'm curious about what the cuss word was.

Great job!

Unknown said...

So am I Komal! Enjoyed the experience, moving piece!

Arlee Bird said...

This is some outstanding writing. Well done.

Lee (#126 on the Campaign Challenge List)
An A to Z Co-Host
Tossing It Out
Twitter: @AprilA2Z
#atozchallenge

Sher A. Hart said...

Hello from your poetry group. This piece sounds like truth, even if it's not. Powerful and sad.

Mine is total fiction, a poem I wrote as prolog for my book. Number 148. It's the next to last post.

You're in my last post. Tag, you're it!

Sarah Tokeley said...

I'd love to know more about the relationship between these two!

Colleen said...

There's so much going on in this piece; I love the layers of dialogue and emotion. Memorable--nice work.

Melissa said...

Enjoyed this entry. Very nice imagery. And I love the pictures of the girls and background of your blog! So lovely!

Melissa Maygrove #149.

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Glad you made it this far...would love to hear your take on the words scribbled. A comment every now and then keeps the blues away. :D

Since, crazy Mr. Blogspot won't let me reply to the comments here (is upset with the water ladies ever since they refused to verify visitors)...will do the next best thing, drop in to your blog to say my Vanakkam/Namaste/Salaam/Hello.

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